Well, I guess this first post should be a little introduction. 

I'm a 31 year-old mother of 3, wife, and healthcare worker.  Healthcare, health, and fitness are my passions.  I love nutrition and working out.  I'm 4'11 and at one time I was 214lbs.  I starved and purged my way to 106lbs.  That was 7 years ago.  I got married and had 2 children (I alread had 1).  I tend to gain a lot of weight with pregnancy, and I lost it by dieting and exercise.  I got down to 124.  Since I've gone up to the 150's and that is where I am now.  I've lost and gained the same 10lbs for awhile now. 

I love to exercise, and I get up at 4am to workout.  It's diet, though, where I sabatoge myself at every turn.  I have organic foods and very healthy foods, but I overeat those and I binge on unhealthy foods a lot.  Today, though, while journaling, I think I figured out why. 

I was a bigger girl in high school, and as an adult, when I lost the weight I had a lot of male attention.  Even my first daughter's father contacted me (he left me pregnant and I hadn't heard from him in years), stating he heard I looked good and was "all skinny and hot now."  I'm not sure I was ever comfortable with the attention.  Sure, on some level, I liked it.  It was the attention that I never had as a teenager, but I don't think I had ever figured out just how to respond or feel about it.  Part of me was angry.  I felt the way I looked at that time was the ONLY reason I was shown interest.  After I was married and had my 2nd daughter, I got in great shape.  Then, any male attention, felt WRONG.  I worked retail and had people flirt, but it made me uncomfortable.

I think I gained the weight to keep that at bay. 

I think knowing this about myself is very powerful.  I'm going to weigh tomorrow and start this healthy lifestyle back up with this knowledge.